Why you feel guilty about practising self-care and what to do about it

Why do we feel guilty about taking care of ourselves?

Do you tend to feel guilty when you take time for yourself? Do you always feel like you should be doing more work or spending time with the family? Guilt is a common feeling, regardless of whether you work outside the home or not. 

Self-care guilt shows up in various ways:

• Apologising for taking time for yourself

• Feeling like you are being selfish

• Stirring up unresolved feelings related to self-worth

• Pushing it off because you have more productive things to do

It’s that voice in your head that makes you feel guilty about spending time with yourself or taking care of yourself first.

Did you know that 1 in 3 people experience self-care guilt?

Before we continue, it’s important to know that if you have this tendency, you are not alone. Various studies have shown that 1 in 3 people feel guilty about taking time for themselves. Yet, a Gallup study has shown that nearly two-thirds of full-time employees deal with burnout at some point while at work. Burnout has become so commonplace that the World Health Organization has officially recognised it as an occupational phenomenon.

And according to an HBR survey of 1500 people from 46 countries, the impact of the pandemic has left the vast majority of us struggling with general and workplace well-being. These struggles affect mental health, caused by an unsustainable workload, the absence of a support community and feelings of not being in control.

Why is self-care important?

The benefits of taking care of ourselves, whether physically, emotionally, spiritually or mentally, are undeniable. This can lead to decreased anxiety, increased productivity and overall higher levels of personal fulfilment. It’s the principle of "adjusting your oxygen mask first before assisting others”. So, choosing yourself is not wrong. The longer you go without taking time for yourself, the more resentment will fester. You will be exhausted, and you will eventually have nothing to give which is one of the causes of burnout. 

If you struggle with feeling guilty, here are 5 self-care tips you can try to ensure it is an integral part of your routine… 

Self-care tips to add to your routine

1. Give yourself permission

Sounds simpler than it is for some. We often get caught up in our roles and responsibilities and lose sight of our own needs. I was also caught in this at one point as I always felt a need to be "in service" of someone else (a client, my boss, my team, my kids, a friend). Commit to some me time and ring-fence it the same way you would prioritise a meeting with a client.

2. Tell your support system your needs

This doesn’t just help you find an ally for reassurance that it’s the right thing to do; it also makes you accountable to make sure you follow through. Sometimes it’s helpful to talk through your schedule with someone neutral so you can have better clarity on how you prioritise.

3. Make the time

Figure out in your schedule where it makes the most sense to build in time for yourself. Early mornings are best for me, before the household starts to stir, but it could be different times for others. Some of my friends prefer after hours so there is no sense of rush. Some find ways to integrate and kill two birds with one stone (for example, running as a form of transport to a planned activity).

4. Do it and then do it again

The first time you choose yourself over another task, that feeling of guilt may start to arise. You may think you made the wrong choice, but you didn’t. You just need more practice at choosing you. So do it again and again until it becomes part of your lifestyle and self-care routine. We promise you, people around you will see a positive effect in you and a benefit to themselves.

5. Find what works for you

Probably the most important of all is finding something that you know intuitively works for you, whether it's a 15-minute break of silence after work before you jump into looking after the kids, reading a book for fun or even a boxing class. And knowing this is by sensing and observing how you respond as your whole self. Not what looks great on your social feed, what the latest self-care hack is, or what your friends are doing; but experimenting, feeling, observing and repeating what feels right for you.

Final thoughts: Self-care should be part of your responsibility, just like work and other obligations. Guilt has no role in your decision for self-care.